I completely agree that there is a need.... A HUGE NEED....for consequences. I know that I am very hard on Liam...I don't want him to ever get out of control. It's so hard to separate my brain from my heart in this respect, because I love my son...but sometimes i HATE the things that he does. There must be punishment, or "time outs" for him to learn. Kids learn very quickly...the older we get, the less likely we are to learn from our mistakes or take responsibility for our actions. I've lived in that environment for 12+ years...how much I would like to be able to just walk away...but then I'd be just as guilty of not taking responsibility for MY actions.

I've never been a "forgive and forget" person...more a "shoot now and ask questions later". When I do get into that territory where I am contemplating the "forgive and forget"...i prefer to keep it on the conservative side...there is always a scar...and i never, never, never forget. NEVER. I will never shop at Best Buy again because where I've moved on from the bad experience I had there...I can't forget what happened. Product of being brought up by a father who believed in loyalty and customer service and satisfaction.

So here's the dilemma...how do you get someone to take responsibility for their actions? You can't. How do you get someone to a point where you can trust them enough to exert the effort to move on in a "forgive and forget" sort of way (keeping in mind my viewpoint on that)? You can't. The only thing you can do is to make known your feelings and stick to them, alerting others to what your stance is. From that moment on...it falls in the laps of those who have been informed to process the information or not. Including the individual that started the whole mess to begin with.

So, taking my Dad in me and saying "you are goin' down", and my Mom in me that said, "I love you Kathi, I just hate the things you do." I open doors with the safety latch on and see who's there. At that point...I have the choice to either close the door to who I see on the other side...or remove the safety.

Let me add...literally, I removed the saftey latch on a hotel door in Binghamton and wound up on the floor with a loaded '48 Magnum at the back of my head....

I do not take this scenario lightly.

So....we wait and see...

And we discover..the point is to get to know people and trust them to be who they are. Instead, we trust people to be who we want them to be- and when they're not, we become angry or disappointed. Shifting the focus to trusting ourselves, we are able to create the kind of self that we will be happy to live with all our lives.

One of my favorite musical artists is Sarah McLachlan. She once said, “I've learned to trust myself, to listen to truth, to not be afraid of it and to not try and hide it.” I add to that, not to hide FROM it. Wise men put their trust in ideas and not in circumstances.

If you decide to forfeit the confidence of your friends you will find it hard to regain their respect and esteem. It's not impossible...it just takes the right fabric of person to be able to accomplish that.

I like to think that we are all capable of turning our lives around.....

but i'm the girl with the rose colored glasses...so......

Those are penalties for those who don't know how to forgive themselves...people who don't step up to the plate and assume responsibility for their actions. The greater the wrong, the stronger the penalty. And I'm not talking about verbal forgiveness, here...I'm talking about the kind of forgiveness someone has to have deep within them. Some of us can tap into that very easily...others can't. My Dad could never say he was sorry..and he was a very angry man 80% of the time. But he tried in his own way.

So maybe the key here is "healing". A wound will heal on it's own, perhaps scar...but there are products that help speed up that process and even prevent or minimize the damage from the original injury.

I know my tatt hurt like an MF on Jan. 7th, my birthday...and now I don't even realize it is there. I have to go to some special lengths to see it myself, although to others it is easier to look at.

I'm not suggesting that we always have to forgive...I am stating that in order for some of us to live completely...to "forget regret" as the song states....we should consider healing in whatever way works for us.

Stephen, ygpm.

thanks. here's another:

Many people are afraid to forgive because they feel they must remember the wrong or they will not learn from it. The opposite is true. Through forgiveness, the wrong is released from its emotional stranglehold on us so that we can learn from it. Through the power and intelligence of the heart, the release of forgiveness brings expanded intelligence to work with the situation more effectively. -- David McArthur

“Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you.... The one who turns to his friends and says, 'that's her.'”

yes, please...i like to see others work...

tomato juice. and tell me the checkers at wegmans didn't give me a double look when i lined up 8 cans on the belt...and that's it. reminds me of a peanut butter and fluff experience i had recently....

unless i kill them first....bah...i'm over it...i chose the 3rd one in from the left....lol.

wow....that's sooooooooooooooooo nice.

omg...i love Sarah...will definitely check out Missy Higgins.

hey there! whoa...lovin' the poem....i think i could paint that....such visuals...

the + sign means they stopped by more than once.....

so artist, poet...is there music in there somewhere????