People on a Bus

I actually have the entire house to myself tonight...it makes me shudder to tell you that my S.O. is on a bus right now on his way to Washington D.C. Now...granted, that's not big news...it's WHO he's on the bus with. Yes, I am a Republican, but no...I would not board a bus with a bunch of old, fat angry retired americans wearing yellow shirts and swearing to start a tea party that would boot Obama out of office. I must draw a line SOMEWHERE. And that is SO FAR OUT of my comfort zone that it makes my head spin. However, if it is something that he wants to do, something that is going to make him happy, and more importantly, something that is going to bring me some peace...who am I to stop him? So...as I thought about that...i had an idea.

When I go about my life, day to day, week to week...or even moment to moment...it's my life, no matter how I slice it. Just as all those people on the bus (pardon me while I chuckle again) have their life, their desires, their intentions, so do I. How completely insane it would be for me to go up to one of those people in the yellow shirt and pull them aside and say, "I'm sorry, I don't believe in what you are doing and it actually doesn't serve any worthwhile purpose in me telling you this...but I'm afraid I'm going to keep you from getting on the bus because it bothers me." Worse, if I actually pulled one of them out of the prayer circle. (I don't make this sh*t up, folks....regardless of what others may think or feel, sorry that only applies to a certain few, so don't take it personally.) Yeah, so let's suppose I did this? What might the reaction be? Several scenarios come to mind...but one in particular...let's suppose the person I pulled aside had a personal connection with the group...like a mom and son, or father and daughter, or husband and wife or partner and partner. I would think the reaction from them would be more significant than the initial choice. I know I am that way with my loved ones. Shoot, don't even get me started about what I would do for my kids. I have an example...I was once held by gunpoint (again, clarification...talk to Mike Ruiz, my buddy in NYC...i don't make this up.) in a hotel room at the Red Roof Inn in Binghamton after a Joey and Maria's performance. When the robber put me in the bathroom, followed by my sweet Michael, and shut the door. Mike put me in the tub and covered me with his body. Later I asked why he did that, and he said, I told you I would protect you with my life if I ever needed to (he was afraid the man was going to shoot through the door).....talk about friend. That, is, above all I have ever met...a friend. More than that, actually...because he could have given his own life for mine. That's a savior. I'll get back to that in a minute. For right now, I want to picture that scene at the parking lot with these yellow shirt tea party people. What right do I have to interfere with what they are doing? If they think that what they are doing is important to them? If they truly believe that getting on that bus, driving all night, protesting all day and driving back is going to make them happy? It is not for me to tell them that it's something I just wouldn't do. Who cares? Honestly. It's their life. Who cares? Now, if something should happen to my S.O. while he is there making a fool of himself, I will feel bad, but fate is fate, choice is choice and there is a higher power that I firmly believe will make everything right one way or another. When Brian got on the bus, I said, don't do anything crazy. Your son needs you. He said, "that's the closest thing to 'I love you' i've heard you say in years." I love him because he is my beautiful son's father. It's a love you can't explain to someone that doesn't have children. I have and will continue to support the relationship between them. But I can't drive a car that I'm not in. Steering something that you don't possess is not only impossible, it's dangerous. Therefore, I have learned by experience, that the best thing you can do is focus on your own life. If it doesn't have anything to do with my existence? It's not mine to control. Period.

Now I will return to the bunny trail of my friend, Michael. I visit NYC and my dear sweet friend many times during the year. And while I am there, I am treated with love and respect. Kindness and compassion. Joy and laughter. And deep conversations of past, present and future. It is a relationship that I highly cherish. And how I look at that friendship with Michael is completely different from any other friend I have....because he saved me. There are many types of salvation...the divine one, of course, is first and foremost...but then there are others...physical, emotional, personal salvations. They are intimate and private and what makes each human being an individual. To publicize the inner workings of a human heart or soul, his deepest thoughts, fears...is an invasion worse than any body snatcher in a horror movie. It is the worst kind of theft. It is what kills hearts, minds, nations...people. It is the Paparazzi at it's evil, ugly finest.

I am hoping that all those people on that bus have a good time doing what they are doing. I hope that they are able to come to some sort of a conclusion at the end of the day about who they are, what they represent and whether they are doing any good for our country. I pray they are. But if this exercise of theirs doesn't produce any fruit, I will not be the one who says, I told you so, or laugh in their face (i may chuckle in the bathroom while the shower is running), because not only is it rude...it hurts them and serves no other purpose than to prove myself right. And that is a selfishness I just won't get caught up in.

The last time I checked, this was a free country. Every morning when someone in the United States of America wakes up...they have a choice. Lots of choices actually. If they decide that they no longer want to go to their job (might have to cue up Office Space on netflix after this for a good laugh)...that's their choice. And any repercussions from that choice are between the person and his employer. As that person's neighbor, I can't tell him he's right or wrong. I can only offer support and kindness. Basically, unless his income is important to me...what business do I have to get involved? I don't.

So two themes going here....buses of crazy Republicans and Saviors. What do they have in common? Probably nothing. But I can only see things from my perspective. Perhaps when I rise above all of it...I might see more clearly a correlation between the two...or maybe I just did. You see, despite the intentions of the above...trying to save a nation...or trying to save a life...there are directions and decisions that each need to make. I could not have stopped that bus from leaving...and in the state I was in at that hotel, I would have never have thought to ask Michael shelter me...I couldn't have....because it would be wrong to ask someone else to sacrifice themselves for me.

It is only a suggestion, but one of value, that I offer to you tonight.....whatever you do in your life...take caution. I am not a buddhist, but the Dalai Lama sure said some profound things, "...the essence of Buddhism is if you can, help others. If not, then at least refrain from hurting others.” I sincerely try to live by this. At times, many times, I have been guilty of intentionally causing another sadness...and it really makes me nauseous. Literally. If I allow it to consume me, I will get sick from it. So I have learned that it produces an ill effect and steer clear of it at all costs. There is a difference between INTENTIONAL and UNINTENTIONAL actions. Intentional is an attack. Unintentional is a circumstance. Think about that.

And back to the busload of people singing Kum Bah Ya and hoping to change the world in 6 hours of protest....they looked happy when they left. And that's all that's important to me.....

Cheers.
Kat