Reefing has saved my life... Am I the only one?

mcozad829 · 12/13/2015, 01:15 AM

Long story short, I am a disabled vet, former light infantry and purple heart recipient. I was medically discharged in 2012 and have had a hard time with PTSD, adjustment disorder, and depression. There have been very dark days in my life since I have been out, I won't go into specifics but I can say there were times when I felt like ending it all, normally these times correlate to times when my disabilities flare up and I am in bad pain. It sucks being 27 years old and having to spend 1/2 the day in bed and the other half dragging my legs around as I walk with my cane

. Depression has pushed me to the edge a few times and I have honestly thought at times "if I end it, who will take care of my tank?". In my life it often seems that things are completely out of control and that is when I focus on my tank because it gives me a sense of purpose and control. I just wanted to see if I am alone in this? Does anyone else use their tanks as a life saving therapy?

wij · 12/13/2015, 02:45 AM

Mate I don't know you and what it sounds you have been through some serious s#$t. 27 is a young age you still have you're whole life in front of you, this hobby will help you out a lot it eases the mind and is very enjoyable, just wanted to say hang on in there pal think positive and stay strong a fellow reefer. Paul.

mcozad829 · 12/13/2015, 03:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wij

Mate I don't know you and what it sounds you have been through some serious s#$t. 27 is a young age you still have you're whole life in front of you, this hobby will help you out a lot it eases the mind and is very enjoyable, just wanted to say hang on in there pal think positive and stay strong a fellow reefer. Paul.

I appreciate that Paul.

Just to clarify my post, I am not suicidal I was just reflecting on the past and how this hobby helped me keep my mind in a good place. I have many good things in my life like my kids and wife that have also helped me make it through tough times. However reef keeping played a major role in helping me cope with my issues and I was wondering if this was common among vets.

mattsreefadise · 12/13/2015, 07:35 AM

I can agree completely bud.
After 5 years in the infantry, and a purple recipient myself, I had a difficult time recovering from from two deployments and an IED strike. Thankfully, I had just mild injuries and was able to overcome them pretty easily. But during my recovery time, I saw myself getting depressed because my unit was off doing better things, while I was stuck with Wounded Warrior Battalion. I became angry, and incredibly disgruntled and could no longer stand being at home or work.
I came home one day to my wife crying, saying that I wasn't here anymore, and it was true. Even after that discussion that night, I still couldn't help but distance myself from everybody. One day, a friend showed me a picture of his Koi pond, of all things, and it seemed so nice.
So, that weekend, my wife and I started construction on a pond. We dug and dug and dug with shovels! It felt so good to work on something together and when we were finished, it was a gorgeous pond. Long story short, that peaked our interest in fishkeeping, and soon enough we had a saltwater. I've noticed bad thoughts, and angry feelings disappear, and my wife and I are closer than ever.
I wouldn't go as far as "it saved my life" but it definitely has changed it.
Semper Fi

joshbrookkate · 12/13/2015, 08:26 AM

These are awesome stories! Thanks for sharing them.
Michelle

mcozad829 · 12/13/2015, 08:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mattsreefadise

I can agree completely bud.
After 5 years in the infantry, and a purple recipient myself, I had a difficult time recovering from from two deployments and an IED strike. Thankfully, I had just mild injuries and was able to overcome them pretty easily. But during my recovery time, I saw myself getting depressed because my unit was off doing better things, while I was stuck with Wounded Warrior Battalion. I became angry, and incredibly disgruntled and could no longer stand being at home or work.
I came home one day to my wife crying, saying that I wasn't here anymore, and it was true. Even after that discussion that night, I still couldn't help but distance myself from everybody. One day, a friend showed me a picture of his Koi pond, of all things, and it seemed so nice.
So, that weekend, my wife and I started construction on a pond. We dug and dug and dug with shovels! It felt so good to work on something together and when we were finished, it was a gorgeous pond. Long story short, that peaked our interest in fishkeeping, and soon enough we had a saltwater. I've noticed bad thoughts, and angry feelings disappear, and my wife and I are closer than ever.
I wouldn't go as far as "it saved my life" but it definitely has changed it.
Semper Fi

Very cool thanks for sharing brother

odj22sailor · 12/31/2015, 02:06 PM

Very touching, as I sit and read all of your stories with my 5 yr old daughter she asked me why and how they got hurt. The only answer I will give her they fought for our freedom and way of life so we can have the beautiful reef tank.
Gentleman from the very bottom of my heart I thank you for your service, your dedication and most of all the sacrifices you have made for our country.
God speed to you all I am just a pm away if you need to chat!

Dave
A greatful citizen.....

braaap · 01/08/2016, 11:46 AM

I'd say mine drastically changed my life. After getting medically discharged due to a pretty sever shoulder injury I was pretty depressed. Wasn't getting to continue my service. Wasn't strong anymore. Was becoming out of shape because I couldn't hardly move my arm without immense amounts of pain. Couldn't sleep because if I laid down with any pressure I'd feel like someone was ripping off my arm. Became addicted to pain killers which then led to antidepressants. They were the only thing that made the pain go away. Then one day I stumbled into my local LFS again. I had been out of the hobby for over 5 years and forgot how great it was. That day my entire view on life changed. I've become so much more peaceful. Look for the positive in almost everything(I still hate work

) and just really cherish every moment of life. I even have way more motivation to go to the gym and try and rehab. I'm not back in my physical shape like I was when I was in the service but I'm close and I'm extremely happy with that. I don't think it saved my life(never thought about suicide) but it definitely straightened me out and changed my life big time.

I still can't lay on my back or on my shoulder without horrible amounts of pain. You kinda get used to it though. Haven't taken a pain killer in over a year. Not even motrin.

adam.sandor88 · 01/12/2016, 09:08 AM

Same here man! Just got out in September. Infantry SSG
Iraq 12/08- -7/09
Afg 1/2010 - 3/2011
Afg 3/2013 - 12/2013
I had a really rough time adjusting to being out. went through a lot of adjustment and have been battling the demons. I just started this hobby 6 months ago and seriously it has saved me. From nights drinking alone with a glock on the table staring at me to me becoming a service officer. Reefing is my escape from it all.

If you ever need anything im here. If anyone needs help im here
I also help woth the VA as well

matt_97055 · 01/12/2016, 09:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by odj22sailor

Very touching, as I sit and read all of your stories with my 5 yr old daughter she asked me why and how they got hurt. The only answer I will give her they fought for our freedom and way of life so we can have the beautiful reef tank.
Gentleman from the very bottom of my heart I thank you for your service, your dedication and most of all the sacrifices you have made for our country.
God speed to you all I am just a pm away if you need to chat!

Dave
A greatful citizen.....

I couldn't have said it any better!!!! Thank you for fighting for what this country was built on and stands for!!!

tobys_girl2003 · 01/13/2016, 10:55 AM

My husband did two tours in Iraq - and this hobby has been his therapy. He is also a disabled vet with all kinds of issues from service. This has been a saving grace

kyle.nagel13 · 01/18/2016, 11:35 AM

After 5 years in the 82nd with 3 deployments to Iraq, I left the Army an angry angry man. I left on my own with only minor injuries and a good amount of wear and tear, so I can't really relate to those of you who sustained serious injury. I couldn't handle normal day to day interactions though. I never went to seek any mental help or anything, I just kind of folded in on myself because I genuinely couldn't handle civilians, not even my family. Thankfully, I wasn't married or have any kids. I trudged along for a while, then I got a wild hair that I wanted a fish tank. Started with fake fresh, then went planted, now I'm building my first salt tank. The hobbie relaxes me, and gives me the control I needed over one specific thing. I went back to school, got my degree, a job, and then got married. We are talking about kids now.

While it didn't probably save my life in the physical sense, I will say that it saved my life from an existence that wasn't worth living.

DaTuRk84 · 01/20/2016, 06:56 PM

Hi brother I am in the same boat as you and i know how you feel. I was discharged for PTSD and TBI too. Believe me I have the same thought but know that there is so much to live for. I felt like ending my life too after I was discharged in 2013 but thanks to my other battles I saw that there was a light at the end of the tunnel. If you ever need someone to talk to you got me as a fellow soldier. Keep your head up bro it aint worth it.

mcozad829 · 02/15/2016, 02:01 PM

Im glad I wasn't the only one who had a tough time transitioning to civilian life, thank you all for your responses

Immortal4419 · 03/07/2016, 11:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mcozad829

Long story short, I am a disabled vet, former light infantry and purple heart recipient. I was medically discharged in 2012 and have had a hard time with PTSD, adjustment disorder, and depression. There have been very dark days in my life since I have been out, I won't go into specifics but I can say there were times when I felt like ending it all, normally these times correlate to times when my disabilities flare up and I am in bad pain. It sucks being 27 years old and having to spend 1/2 the day in bed and the other half dragging my legs around as I walk with my cane

. Depression has pushed me to the edge a few times and I have honestly thought at times "if I end it, who will take care of my tank?". In my life it often seems that things are completely out of control and that is when I focus on my tank because it gives me a sense of purpose and control. I just wanted to see if I am alone in this? Does anyone else use their tanks as a life saving therapy?

I agree. I love to just sit on the couch and watch my tank after a bad day. Its calming and soothing. You definitely are not alone with this thought process.

tjsailosullivan · 03/10/2016, 08:20 PM

Another purple heart recipient here. Basra Iraq March 2008/100lb EFP. 21+ years and more deployments than I can count. It is definitely been my best form of therapy. You are definitely not alone brother

Lilbitreefer · 03/11/2016, 05:39 PM

adam.sandor88, you were coming to Iraq as I was leaving it. Setting up my fish tanks and getting them running has definitely helped me.

jjrocksandreefs · 03/16/2016, 08:21 PM

Not Infantry or Marine, but not your typical stint as an Air Force Firefighter either, Pakistan 2002, Northern Iraq, 2003. Reefing has been part of my life since separation and continued fire service career, just relaxing and calming great way to unwind.

ryan_ · 03/25/2016, 01:29 PM

Just found this sub-forum and this thread. I got into reefing before I deployed. However, if it weren't for reefing and bow hunting, I probably would have lost my head. My tanks give me something to focus on when I can't be out in the woods. It's absolutely a kind of therapy. Infantry here as well.

bescher · 04/04/2016, 08:54 PM

Hi All
I am a Army vet of Vietnam, Grenada and Panama. Was essentially kicked out after18 years. Disabled have PTSD, bad back, bad neck and other things. Keeping fish has definitely helped out, keeps me busy and I learned from my father how relaxing they are. Can be expensive but well worth my sanity

j_mazzy · 05/02/2016, 09:50 PM

Reefing helped me when I was retired in '05. it was something for my mond to stay busy.

vgardner · 05/05/2016, 09:25 PM

Hey folks- I'm the wife of a Purple Heart recipient so forgive me if I'm intruding here ☺️ But I wanted to say that, for my husband, anything that requires precise order and maintenance seems to help calm him down. We absolutely adore 'our baby' as we call 'my' tank. (Our children don't really appreciate that name but oh well!) I pick most everything that goes into it but he does a lot of the maintenance and placing things around where I want them (our tank is taller than my arms are long). I think maybe keeping order within the tank and other projects helps to keep order in his mind maybe? But that's just my outsiders take on it. I'm very very glad that every single one of y'all has found reefing/ fish keeping and that it has helped y'all!

Thank you to every one of you for what you've done and sacrificed for us!

kurtymac · 05/15/2016, 11:06 AM

Hey Mcozad, I understand completely how you feel. I was just medically retired in February because of a spinal tumor/cancer found in my spine. Its an ependymoma and it has turned my life upside down. Severe pain, problems walking, keep up the good fight. I hope the VA is taking care of you but I probably know the answers to that.

darmar7812 · 05/15/2016, 11:50 PM

Hello everyone, I would like to take a moment to thank everyone of you for you service. The bravery and courageous selfless duty you gentlemen preformed for all of us here in America is greatly appreciated by me. So once again I would like to say thank you all!

vikinglord13 · 05/21/2016, 02:07 AM

Thank you all for your service. I'm glad to hear this hobby has helped you guys get a handle on things.

I've always valued the therapeutic, relaxing sensations one gets from a fish tank. I'm thinking if anybody ever writes an article on the positive effects a tank has on mental/spiritual health, referring to your guys' stories would really emphasize how valuable these tanks can be.

12/13/2015, 01:15 AM	#1
mcozad829 Premium Member Join Date: Mar 2014 Location: Natchitoches, LA Posts: 619 Blog Entries: 1	Reefing has saved my life... Am I the only one? Long story short, I am a disabled vet, former light infantry and purple heart recipient. I was medically discharged in 2012 and have had a hard time with PTSD, adjustment disorder, and depression. There have been very dark days in my life since I have been out, I won't go into specifics but I can say there were times when I felt like ending it all, normally these times correlate to times when my disabilities flare up and I am in bad pain. It sucks being 27 years old and having to spend 1/2 the day in bed and the other half dragging my legs around as I walk with my cane . Depression has pushed me to the edge a few times and I have honestly thought at times "if I end it, who will take care of my tank?". In my life it often seems that things are completely out of control and that is when I focus on my tank because it gives me a sense of purpose and control. I just wanted to see if I am alone in this? Does anyone else use their tanks as a life saving therapy? __________________ "You'll have plenty of time for rolling doobies... when you're living in a van... down by the river!"

12/13/2015, 07:35 AM	#4
mattsreefadise Registered Member Join Date: Nov 2014 Posts: 107	I can agree completely bud. After 5 years in the infantry, and a purple recipient myself, I had a difficult time recovering from from two deployments and an IED strike. Thankfully, I had just mild injuries and was able to overcome them pretty easily. But during my recovery time, I saw myself getting depressed because my unit was off doing better things, while I was stuck with Wounded Warrior Battalion. I became angry, and incredibly disgruntled and could no longer stand being at home or work. I came home one day to my wife crying, saying that I wasn't here anymore, and it was true. Even after that discussion that night, I still couldn't help but distance myself from everybody. One day, a friend showed me a picture of his Koi pond, of all things, and it seemed so nice. So, that weekend, my wife and I started construction on a pond. We dug and dug and dug with shovels! It felt so good to work on something together and when we were finished, it was a gorgeous pond. Long story short, that peaked our interest in fishkeeping, and soon enough we had a saltwater. I've noticed bad thoughts, and angry feelings disappear, and my wife and I are closer than ever. I wouldn't go as far as "it saved my life" but it definitely has changed it. Semper Fi __________________ "Apply the basics, and progress will follow"

02/15/2016, 02:01 PM	#14
mcozad829 Premium Member Join Date: Mar 2014 Location: Natchitoches, LA Posts: 619 Blog Entries: 1	Im glad I wasn't the only one who had a tough time transitioning to civilian life, thank you all for your responses __________________ "You'll have plenty of time for rolling doobies... when you're living in a van... down by the river!"

03/25/2016, 01:29 PM	#19
ryan_ Yeah...Don't touch that. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Elma, NY Posts: 452	Just found this sub-forum and this thread. I got into reefing before I deployed. However, if it weren't for reefing and bow hunting, I probably would have lost my head. My tanks give me something to focus on when I can't be out in the woods. It's absolutely a kind of therapy. Infantry here as well. __________________ All the places I've been and things I've seen. A million stories that made up, a million shattered dreams. The faces of people Ill never see again and I cant seem to find my way home. "5fdp" RIP SFC Hall, SGT Forest, CPL Pautsch.I will never forget you guys!

12/13/2015, 02:45 AM	#2
wij Registered Member Join Date: Jan 2014 Posts: 177	Mate I don't know you and what it sounds you have been through some serious s#$t. 27 is a young age you still have you're whole life in front of you, this hobby will help you out a lot it eases the mind and is very enjoyable, just wanted to say hang on in there pal think positive and stay strong a fellow reefer. Paul.

12/13/2015, 08:26 AM	#5
joshbrookkate Registered Member Join Date: Dec 2014 Location: Windsor, ON Posts: 618	These are awesome stories! Thanks for sharing them. Michelle

12/31/2015, 02:06 PM	#7
odj22sailor Registered Member Join Date: Aug 2015 Location: Gaithersburg, Maryland Posts: 62	Very touching, as I sit and read all of your stories with my 5 yr old daughter she asked me why and how they got hurt. The only answer I will give her they fought for our freedom and way of life so we can have the beautiful reef tank. Gentleman from the very bottom of my heart I thank you for your service, your dedication and most of all the sacrifices you have made for our country. God speed to you all I am just a pm away if you need to chat! Dave A greatful citizen.....

01/08/2016, 11:46 AM	#8
braaap Registered Member Join Date: Apr 2015 Posts: 55	I'd say mine drastically changed my life. After getting medically discharged due to a pretty sever shoulder injury I was pretty depressed. Wasn't getting to continue my service. Wasn't strong anymore. Was becoming out of shape because I couldn't hardly move my arm without immense amounts of pain. Couldn't sleep because if I laid down with any pressure I'd feel like someone was ripping off my arm. Became addicted to pain killers which then led to antidepressants. They were the only thing that made the pain go away. Then one day I stumbled into my local LFS again. I had been out of the hobby for over 5 years and forgot how great it was. That day my entire view on life changed. I've become so much more peaceful. Look for the positive in almost everything(I still hate work ) and just really cherish every moment of life. I even have way more motivation to go to the gym and try and rehab. I'm not back in my physical shape like I was when I was in the service but I'm close and I'm extremely happy with that. I don't think it saved my life(never thought about suicide) but it definitely straightened me out and changed my life big time. I still can't lay on my back or on my shoulder without horrible amounts of pain. You kinda get used to it though. Haven't taken a pain killer in over a year. Not even motrin.

01/12/2016, 09:08 AM	#9
adam.sandor88 Registered Member Join Date: Dec 2015 Location: Streetsboro OH Posts: 70	Same here man! Just got out in September. Infantry SSG Iraq 12/08- -7/09 Afg 1/2010 - 3/2011 Afg 3/2013 - 12/2013 I had a really rough time adjusting to being out. went through a lot of adjustment and have been battling the demons. I just started this hobby 6 months ago and seriously it has saved me. From nights drinking alone with a glock on the table staring at me to me becoming a service officer. Reefing is my escape from it all. If you ever need anything im here. If anyone needs help im here I also help woth the VA as well

01/13/2016, 10:55 AM	#11
tobys_girl2003 Registered Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Mount Dora, FL Posts: 68	My husband did two tours in Iraq - and this hobby has been his therapy. He is also a disabled vet with all kinds of issues from service. This has been a saving grace

01/18/2016, 11:35 AM	#12
kyle.nagel13 Registered Member Join Date: Sep 2015 Location: Columbus, OH Posts: 67	After 5 years in the 82nd with 3 deployments to Iraq, I left the Army an angry angry man. I left on my own with only minor injuries and a good amount of wear and tear, so I can't really relate to those of you who sustained serious injury. I couldn't handle normal day to day interactions though. I never went to seek any mental help or anything, I just kind of folded in on myself because I genuinely couldn't handle civilians, not even my family. Thankfully, I wasn't married or have any kids. I trudged along for a while, then I got a wild hair that I wanted a fish tank. Started with fake fresh, then went planted, now I'm building my first salt tank. The hobbie relaxes me, and gives me the control I needed over one specific thing. I went back to school, got my degree, a job, and then got married. We are talking about kids now. While it didn't probably save my life in the physical sense, I will say that it saved my life from an existence that wasn't worth living.

01/20/2016, 06:56 PM	#13
DaTuRk84 Registered Member Join Date: Jan 2016 Posts: 1	Hi brother I am in the same boat as you and i know how you feel. I was discharged for PTSD and TBI too. Believe me I have the same thought but know that there is so much to live for. I felt like ending my life too after I was discharged in 2013 but thanks to my other battles I saw that there was a light at the end of the tunnel. If you ever need someone to talk to you got me as a fellow soldier. Keep your head up bro it aint worth it.

03/10/2016, 08:20 PM	#16
tjsailosullivan Registered Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Beavercreek (Dayton) Ohio Posts: 364	Another purple heart recipient here. Basra Iraq March 2008/100lb EFP. 21+ years and more deployments than I can count. It is definitely been my best form of therapy. You are definitely not alone brother

03/11/2016, 05:39 PM	#17
Lilbitreefer Registered Member Join Date: Oct 2015 Location: North Carolina Posts: 198	adam.sandor88, you were coming to Iraq as I was leaving it. Setting up my fish tanks and getting them running has definitely helped me.

03/16/2016, 08:21 PM	#18
jjrocksandreefs Registered Member Join Date: Feb 2016 Location: Richmond, MN Posts: 2	Not Infantry or Marine, but not your typical stint as an Air Force Firefighter either, Pakistan 2002, Northern Iraq, 2003. Reefing has been part of my life since separation and continued fire service career, just relaxing and calming great way to unwind.

04/04/2016, 08:54 PM	#20
bescher Registered Member Join Date: Jun 2014 Posts: 9	Hi All I am a Army vet of Vietnam, Grenada and Panama. Was essentially kicked out after18 years. Disabled have PTSD, bad back, bad neck and other things. Keeping fish has definitely helped out, keeps me busy and I learned from my father how relaxing they are. Can be expensive but well worth my sanity

05/02/2016, 09:50 PM	#21
j_mazzy Registered Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: about an hour from charlotte Posts: 622	Reefing helped me when I was retired in '05. it was something for my mond to stay busy.

05/05/2016, 09:25 PM	#22
vgardner Registered Member Join Date: Jun 2015 Posts: 2	Hey folks- I'm the wife of a Purple Heart recipient so forgive me if I'm intruding here ☺️ But I wanted to say that, for my husband, anything that requires precise order and maintenance seems to help calm him down. We absolutely adore 'our baby' as we call 'my' tank. (Our children don't really appreciate that name but oh well!) I pick most everything that goes into it but he does a lot of the maintenance and placing things around where I want them (our tank is taller than my arms are long). I think maybe keeping order within the tank and other projects helps to keep order in his mind maybe? But that's just my outsiders take on it. I'm very very glad that every single one of y'all has found reefing/ fish keeping and that it has helped y'all! Thank you to every one of you for what you've done and sacrificed for us!

05/15/2016, 11:06 AM	#23
kurtymac Registered Member Join Date: Apr 2016 Posts: 4	Hey Mcozad, I understand completely how you feel. I was just medically retired in February because of a spinal tumor/cancer found in my spine. Its an ependymoma and it has turned my life upside down. Severe pain, problems walking, keep up the good fight. I hope the VA is taking care of you but I probably know the answers to that.

05/15/2016, 11:50 PM	#24
darmar7812 Registered Member Join Date: Dec 2015 Location: San Antonio Posts: 69	Hello everyone, I would like to take a moment to thank everyone of you for you service. The bravery and courageous selfless duty you gentlemen preformed for all of us here in America is greatly appreciated by me. So once again I would like to say thank you all!

05/21/2016, 02:07 AM	#25
vikinglord13 Registered Member Join Date: Jun 2015 Location: Naperville, IL Posts: 484	Thank you all for your service. I'm glad to hear this hobby has helped you guys get a handle on things. I've always valued the therapeutic, relaxing sensations one gets from a fish tank. I'm thinking if anybody ever writes an article on the positive effects a tank has on mental/spiritual health, referring to your guys' stories would really emphasize how valuable these tanks can be.